How to Choose Beer
Choose your booze the Itchy way - our carefully picked criteria are all you need.
Feature
Choosing a beer is a task not to be taken lightly. We employ scoring
systems so advanced that the mighty Steven Hawking would be perplexed
to an extent that he would undoubtedly flatten the batteries to his
speak and spell while searching for the answer. Itchy knows all about E
equalling M C Squared, but does Professor Hawking know THE number one
beer, or indeed, the top ten? We doubt it.
In a quest to find the ultimate beer we painstakingly trawled through infinite criteria before selecting those we thought most important. These five categories are as follows:
Value for money.
Itchy is less than happy with our delightful government hiking up the price of our beloved drink just because some toffs don't know how to run a country. They manage to get our not very Great Britain so far into debt that the only option for us poverty struck inhabitants is to drink and forget. The problem is, we can't blinking afford it. Bah!
Alcohol content.
Itchy loves a good percentage of the content to be alcohol. What's the point of drinking it if it doesn't get near the 5% AVB requirement? You may as well stick to water. So if the beer was 5% or thereabouts then it was marked highly, if it was less than 4% then it had a low mark. Itchy doesn't like to spend so much time in the toilet while attempting to get blotto.
Taste.
Itchy wants a beer to taste divine. We don't want the chemicals to dance on our tongue. Nor do we want it to resemble Grandpa Joe's watery homebrew. It has to hit the spot then drag us to come back for more.
Head.
We all like a bit of head. Stop smirking! A beer without head is like a Christmas present without the wrapping paper. It's pretty much the same, but it's just not right. So, the better the head the bigger the smile.
Coolness.
Itchy thinks this is super important. People like to be cool. And if they can't be cool then most try to ACT cool. Ok, sometimes that looks ridiculous, but that doesn't stop the poor little gimps from trying. But us at Itchy rival The Fonz in coolness, and we like our beer to do the same. So for this category we asked ourselves: would Itchy take this beer to a party? Would Itchy retain this coolness if they attended the social gathering of the year and took a four pack of Skandia Green? No, the answer is no. And that is why that particular beverage didn't make the top ten.
To see the results of Itchy's scoring system, stagger over here to read about Itchy's Top Ten Beers.
Ste Dee
In a quest to find the ultimate beer we painstakingly trawled through infinite criteria before selecting those we thought most important. These five categories are as follows:
Value for money.
Itchy is less than happy with our delightful government hiking up the price of our beloved drink just because some toffs don't know how to run a country. They manage to get our not very Great Britain so far into debt that the only option for us poverty struck inhabitants is to drink and forget. The problem is, we can't blinking afford it. Bah!
Alcohol content.
Itchy loves a good percentage of the content to be alcohol. What's the point of drinking it if it doesn't get near the 5% AVB requirement? You may as well stick to water. So if the beer was 5% or thereabouts then it was marked highly, if it was less than 4% then it had a low mark. Itchy doesn't like to spend so much time in the toilet while attempting to get blotto.
Taste.
Itchy wants a beer to taste divine. We don't want the chemicals to dance on our tongue. Nor do we want it to resemble Grandpa Joe's watery homebrew. It has to hit the spot then drag us to come back for more.
Head.
We all like a bit of head. Stop smirking! A beer without head is like a Christmas present without the wrapping paper. It's pretty much the same, but it's just not right. So, the better the head the bigger the smile.
Coolness.
Itchy thinks this is super important. People like to be cool. And if they can't be cool then most try to ACT cool. Ok, sometimes that looks ridiculous, but that doesn't stop the poor little gimps from trying. But us at Itchy rival The Fonz in coolness, and we like our beer to do the same. So for this category we asked ourselves: would Itchy take this beer to a party? Would Itchy retain this coolness if they attended the social gathering of the year and took a four pack of Skandia Green? No, the answer is no. And that is why that particular beverage didn't make the top ten.
To see the results of Itchy's scoring system, stagger over here to read about Itchy's Top Ten Beers.
Ste Dee
