You know you spend too much time on Facebook when...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 16:37:10 GMT

We know when it’s time to dislike the social network and start socialising with real people…

You start liking your own status
Itchy loves a good status update, whether it’s a smiley face, what someone ate for dinner or a song lyric aimed at an ex you are sooo over. But there comes a point where giving two thumbs fresh to something you’ve typed with your very own digits teeters in to loser territory. And Itchy doesn’t associate with losers.

Your last check in was in bed, or on the toilet
Itchy sleeps, Itchy goes to the bog, Itchy also has a life and some self-respect... some. Checking in is a cool way of making you easily accessible to a stalker, but pinpointing your every move is something reserved for Russell Brand and the Twitterati. Heck, if Itchy checked in everywhere then Facebook would be face down with techno problems.

You're stalking the person who wrote on your ex's wall
Itchy has a heart, and that heart has been messed with, pushed, pulled and broken just like yours, so we get it when your innocent finger hovers over your ex's profile on a Columbo-style mission. Yet Itchy draws the line at excessive daily peeping on the poor mite who simply typed "LOL" on a status. Itchy advises you click the remove button pronto and head outside to mingle with real people with actual faces, that like, work and everything.

You're posting music videos to show how you feel
Itchy once posted Cheryl Cole’s Fight For This Love, and within minutes people were asking ‘who wants to fight?’ ‘what are you fighting for?’ and ‘don't you think your Cheryl obsession is going a tad too far?’
We get that music expresses how you feel, but tap your toe to it, not your finger on the upload button next to Blue’s Eurovision treat ‘I Can’ to show what a top day you had at work.

You're creating a relationship out of words, pokes and winks
Sounds quite poetic really, but Itchy knows better than to fall for someone who adds you, pokes you, winks at you and puts LOL at the end of every sentence. As in the real world LOL, Itchy bets you would pretty much be arrested LOL for going round poking strangers and giving them a sly old wink LOL. Itchy says the odd poke can be nice but can it really get you through a day as dull as dog poo? No, didn’t think so.

Kelly Holgate

Five Bands Itchy's Fallen in Love with this Spring

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:11:15 GMT

1. Bastille
We've been a fan of their mix tapes for what feels like years, but Bastille's debut album, Bad Blood, has had us hooked even more than we thought possible. We're humming Pompeii 24/7 and Sleepsong has us tapping things frantically, like a wannabe drummer. If you're already in the Bastille club*, bravo. If not, join it as soon as you can. You won't regret it.

*NB we aren't sure if there actually is a club, we are talking metaphorically. Obv.

2. London Grammar
Ethereal pop trio from, yup, you guessed it, London. We love Metal and Dust, but it's currently in heavy rotation on Radio One, so we've gone for another of their classic tracks, Hey Now, for your listening pleasure. We don't know much about them, but seeing as they don't even have an album out yet but they're getting all this attention, Itchy reckons they're gonna be massive.

3. The 1975
We have no idea what this Manchester-based alt-rock band are saying in Chocolate, but it's mighty catchy nevertheless. In fact, we quite enjoy making up our own soundalike lyrics. We're pretty certain they're singing about petticoats. Hmmm. Have a listen and let us know what you think they're singing in the comments box below...

4. Local Natives
With their second album, Hummingbird, the Natives have captured Itchy's heart once again. It's not hugely different from their debut, Gorilla Manor, but we really don't care. You can never have too much of a good thing, that's what we say. If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it... And all those other cliches. Yes. Here's our favourite from Hummingbird.

5. Haim
Music needs more women. Haim are three twenty-something girls from Los Angeles making some toe-tappingly-good songs. Itchy can't quite describe their sound... we're thinking 90s R&B meets 70s soft-rock with a touch of folky goodness. Have a listen and let us know what you think in the comments box below.

Itchy Glasgow Home Reviews and recommendations

You know you spend too much time on Facebook when...

Five Bands Itchy's Fallen in Love with this Spring