Roll up, roll up. See the cream of Glasgow's neds do their best to string a sentence together. See the Amazing Gold Lady who can fit two sovereign rings on each finger. Meet the Boys With Missing Teeth who call girls lesbians when they won't kiss them. And come see the star attraction -
the Woman Who's Got Six Kids by Seven Different Fathers. It's almost like a public service. It gives these undesirables somewhere to boogie and beat each other up away from everyone else, which means you know where not to go for a cracking evening of your own.