How to Get Rid of Weirdos in Bars
Get outta my face
Feature
Probably a situation that everybody has been, will be in, or will in the very least have witnessed, is the tragic moment on a night out when some unwanted attention comes your way, and really, really, really wants to get to know you, but sadly for them, the feeling isn't mutual.
Fear not good friend, Itchy is here to give you some top tips on how to tactfully escape from such situations like these, in the politest and friendliest manner possible considering you're giving them the brush-off, and you don't really want to be their friend at all.
Your first line of defence against such advances, is to suddenly spot your friends having a banging time on the other side of the room, make your apologies, and leg it as fast as you can into the nearest crowd, in the hope that there are 4 other people who bagged the same Primark bargain amongst them as you, and their presence will throw your new-found superfan off your scent.
If this foolproof tactic has not worked, then there's always the 'I'm really flattered, but I've got a boyfriend/girlfriend' line, which you could choose to whip out. Problems with this choice can include:
i) secondary questions about said partner which you then can't answer
ii) new-found Romeo has no morals, and believes he can out-charm any other suitors who might be encroaching on his mojo
iii) you've got one of those really helpful friends who's just given you the thumbs up and a cheeky wink, and audibly told you to 'get in there'. The persistent admirer's confidence is dramatically boosted, and your chances of escape are equally diminished. At this stage, he may well insist on buying you a drink. Who are you to take that privilege away from him? And let's face it, drinking is an expensive hobby these days. Economic climate and all that. This said, should you choose to engage in the giving and receiving of drinks, your chances of outrunning Romeo are evaporated. You owe him. You're on your own now. Sorry. A slightly more extreme measure to take would be to suggest you have homosexual tendencies. Probably best not to use this unless it's really an emergency though, as common responses include 'I don't believe you, prove it', and 'Let me change your mind', with a conspicuous glance at his own crotch. If all else fails, your last option is to target another unsuspecting bar-goer and become the nuisance you were previously trying to shake off. If you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em. Hannah Ashworth
i) secondary questions about said partner which you then can't answer
ii) new-found Romeo has no morals, and believes he can out-charm any other suitors who might be encroaching on his mojo
iii) you've got one of those really helpful friends who's just given you the thumbs up and a cheeky wink, and audibly told you to 'get in there'. The persistent admirer's confidence is dramatically boosted, and your chances of escape are equally diminished. At this stage, he may well insist on buying you a drink. Who are you to take that privilege away from him? And let's face it, drinking is an expensive hobby these days. Economic climate and all that. This said, should you choose to engage in the giving and receiving of drinks, your chances of outrunning Romeo are evaporated. You owe him. You're on your own now. Sorry. A slightly more extreme measure to take would be to suggest you have homosexual tendencies. Probably best not to use this unless it's really an emergency though, as common responses include 'I don't believe you, prove it', and 'Let me change your mind', with a conspicuous glance at his own crotch. If all else fails, your last option is to target another unsuspecting bar-goer and become the nuisance you were previously trying to shake off. If you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em. Hannah Ashworth
