7 Places Never to be Found Drunk
A beginner's guide
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We all love booze, and Itchy encourages all of you (who are over 18) to continue boozing it up. However, there are safety issues involved with drinking, as we all know. Most importantly, there are specific places in which we should never, ever get gazeboed. Luckily, Itchy is here to point out those places so that you can all go on living your beer-filled lives happily and securely.
1. Secret crush's flat
We all know one of the many wondrous powers of alcohol is the release of inhibitions. For example, we may be enamoured with the person down the hall of our apartment building. During the day, we simply smile shyly and make short conversation with them, avoiding any uncomfortable or cringe-worthy confessions. After a few drinks, however, it's best to stay away from their front door. If we're let in, bad things will happen. The kind of bad things that create very awkward elevator rides in the future (even more awkward than they already inherently are). 2. In front of brand new co-workers
Starting a new job is always difficult: new people, new things to learn, new environment, etc. All of us try to be on our best behaviour during our first few weeks at a brand new job. All that will mean ||marker|| if you have too much to drink in front of your new co-workers. After your boss sees you inhale eight beers and sing along to ”Poker Face“ at the top of your lungs, that is the person you will always be known as around the office. Forever. 3. By any body of water - pools and bathtubs included
While we're thinking about it, nowhere near fire, either... you know what, just stay away from all of nature's elements when you're drunk. 4. A place with a camera around: film or video
Now that we're in the world of Facebook, it is best to duck out and hide when you've spent the night drinking and somebody whips out a camera. Trust Itchy, the results are never good when there's a camera in the mix; unless you enjoy seeing your flushed cheeks, unforgivable facial expressions and embarrassing decisions posted on the internet the next morning. If a camera joins the party, just simply change locations. 5. A tattoo parlour
One of the most common things said during a night of drinking is: ”We should so get a tattoo.“ There are variations, including ”We should get matching tattoos“ or ”You would look so great with a tattoo on your ass.“ Whatever version is used, the results are shockingly permanent including the ill-fated morning-after discovery of the ”tramp stamp.“ (Dun-dun-dun!) If you stay a safe distance away from any near-by tattoo parlours, however, it is likely the tattoo idea will be forgotten about a few minutes later and you will trudge on to the next pub, ink-free. 6. A place with small animals around
Itchy doesn't have the stomach to explain this one. Just use your dark and twisted imagination... 7. Secret enemy's flat
Again, stay away from people you have strong feelings about; any type of strong feelings. We all want civility in our society, so most of us make an effort to keep our hatred of certain people tucked inside to a very unhealthy degree. But remember that whole inhibitions thing we spoke about earlier? If you somehow happen to stumble across the flat of the person you secretly loathe after a night out, all of that tucked-away hatred will come flying out. You will go overboard (that's what repression causes) and you will look like an asshole. Stay away.
We all know one of the many wondrous powers of alcohol is the release of inhibitions. For example, we may be enamoured with the person down the hall of our apartment building. During the day, we simply smile shyly and make short conversation with them, avoiding any uncomfortable or cringe-worthy confessions. After a few drinks, however, it's best to stay away from their front door. If we're let in, bad things will happen. The kind of bad things that create very awkward elevator rides in the future (even more awkward than they already inherently are). 2. In front of brand new co-workers
Starting a new job is always difficult: new people, new things to learn, new environment, etc. All of us try to be on our best behaviour during our first few weeks at a brand new job. All that will mean ||marker|| if you have too much to drink in front of your new co-workers. After your boss sees you inhale eight beers and sing along to ”Poker Face“ at the top of your lungs, that is the person you will always be known as around the office. Forever. 3. By any body of water - pools and bathtubs included
While we're thinking about it, nowhere near fire, either... you know what, just stay away from all of nature's elements when you're drunk. 4. A place with a camera around: film or video
Now that we're in the world of Facebook, it is best to duck out and hide when you've spent the night drinking and somebody whips out a camera. Trust Itchy, the results are never good when there's a camera in the mix; unless you enjoy seeing your flushed cheeks, unforgivable facial expressions and embarrassing decisions posted on the internet the next morning. If a camera joins the party, just simply change locations. 5. A tattoo parlour
One of the most common things said during a night of drinking is: ”We should so get a tattoo.“ There are variations, including ”We should get matching tattoos“ or ”You would look so great with a tattoo on your ass.“ Whatever version is used, the results are shockingly permanent including the ill-fated morning-after discovery of the ”tramp stamp.“ (Dun-dun-dun!) If you stay a safe distance away from any near-by tattoo parlours, however, it is likely the tattoo idea will be forgotten about a few minutes later and you will trudge on to the next pub, ink-free. 6. A place with small animals around
Itchy doesn't have the stomach to explain this one. Just use your dark and twisted imagination... 7. Secret enemy's flat
Again, stay away from people you have strong feelings about; any type of strong feelings. We all want civility in our society, so most of us make an effort to keep our hatred of certain people tucked inside to a very unhealthy degree. But remember that whole inhibitions thing we spoke about earlier? If you somehow happen to stumble across the flat of the person you secretly loathe after a night out, all of that tucked-away hatred will come flying out. You will go overboard (that's what repression causes) and you will look like an asshole. Stay away.
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